Lessons Learned in 2020
“As long as you live, keep learning how to live.”
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This year is one that we will never forget. Despite all the hardships and craziness of living through a pandemic, in the past few weeks I’ve found myself reflecting on the unique blessings and lessons I’ve gained from 2020. In today’s post, I want to share a few of them with you in hopes that you will be able to apply them to your 2021 and also to encourage you to thoughtfully reflect on your own experiences this past year and how they will impact you as we move into the new year.
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1. Self-care is important, and it can have both a snowball and ripple effect.
When we were first put on lock-down in March, a part of me reveled in the idea that I could sleep in, hang out in my pajamas all day, and not have to worry about hair or makeup. I also found my family and I seeking excitement or entertainment through food. Stuck inside tonight? Let’s have a family pizza night! Home all day? Let’s make chocolate chip cookies! As you can imagine, it didn’t take long for this pattern of behavior to catch up with me.
There’s something about living through a pandemic that makes you think more about your health and well-being. During lock-down, I read the book “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg. It made me question the habits I had fallen into and motivated me to start changing them. I started by taking a multivitamin each day. That seemed pretty simple (and probably a good idea during a pandemic). I then added a morning (and later, an evening) skincare routine. Why not? I wasn’t wearing makeup and had plenty of time at home to put some lotion on my face! These changes were small, but they started to make me feel better about myself and have had a snowball effect on my self-care this year. A vitamin led to a skincare routine which led to drinking more water, a morning routine, a daily walk, dressing purposefully each day, and a full-blown diet and exercise program.
We often put self-care to the back burner, but this year has taught me that self-care is NOT selfish. If anything, it is imperative if you want to be able to care for those around you. When I take the time to care for myself, I feel more confident and I show up better and am more effective in the different roles I star in (e.g., mom, wife, colleague, friend, church member, etc.).
And the coolest part of taking care of ourselves? It has a ripple effect! By showing up as the best version of myself, I can more positively interact with my husband, kids, friends, and colleagues. I wholeheartedly intend to continue pursuing self-care throughout 2021.
2. There is always going to be discomfort, but you have a choice.
Tonya Leigh, one of my mentors and hostess of the French Kiss Life podcast, taught me something that has really stuck this year. It is the idea that there is always going to be discomfort, it is up to you to decide which type of discomfort you want to experience. This notion applies to so many aspects of our lives. Take weight loss for example. Many of us put off dieting and exercising because we don’t want to deal with the discomfort of watching what we eat and putting our bodies through the physical discomfort of a workout. But if you think about it, it is equally uncomfortable and not at all enjoyable to feel frumpy in your clothes, to feel embarrassed by your body, to feel guilty about the junk food and soda you just consumed. Both options are uncomfortable, but you have the freedom to choose the type of discomfort you want to experience.
This was an eye-opener for me. When I examined the discomforts I was choosing, I wasn’t exactly happy with my choices. I was the one choosing to not lose the baby weight (can we really even call it baby weight when she’s 2?). The discomfort of investing in my health, through diet and exercise, seemed like a much better option when I looked at it this way. I also realized that I was choosing to not pursue my dream of creating a blog/podcast. I have wanted to do this for the past 10 years, but my silly brain kept coming up with excuses as to why I couldn’t, why I shouldn’t do it. This lesson helped me realize that I was happier with the discomfort of others thinking I was silly or judging me for putting myself out there, than I was with the discomfort of not following my dreams. This will be a lesson that I carry on into 2021 and beyond.
3. In seasons of imbalance, we’re better off embracing that imbalance and finding the good in that season.
This year has been very unique in the way that it has required so many of us to juggle work and family. In March, 2020 we were all forced to work and attend school online. I’m a professor at a university and my relaxing spring break was cut short by the move to online courses and scrambling to get everything set up for my students. Add in a one-year old and a five-year old, and let’s just say that it was chaotic.
There were days, even stretches of days, where life felt completely out of balance. If I was working upstairs and could hear my kids playing outside, my heart yearned to be with them and I felt guilty about working (even though there was SO much work to be done). On the flip side, when I was watching the kids, I would feel guilty about not working and I would question whether I was doing enough to keep up with my colleagues.
Eventually, I came to realize that these thoughts were not serving me; they were just causing ugly feelings of guilt and anxiety. I had to start training my brain to be present where I was. To look for the positive in each situations. To think thoughts like:
Isn’t it wonderful that I have a job, let alone one that can easily be done from home where my family and I are safe!
Isn’t it a beautiful gift that God has allowed me this time with my children! I would have missed this part of their lives if we weren’t all forced to stay home.
Slowly, but surely, my brain began to think this way and the guilt subsided. Of course I still have my “bad” days, but I’ve learned that I can give that to God, re-frame my thinking around it, and embrace the imbalance.
I hope you found today’s post encouraging. This year was definitely not what we had in mind this time last year, but it has been an opportunity for growth and learning.
If one of your goals for 2021 is a better work-life balance, please check out my Elegant Balance Workbook. I created it specifically to help women, like you, reflect on their current work-life balance and intentionally design and pursue their ideal elegantly balanced life.
You can access it HERE!