Pursuing an Elegant Balance
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Do you ever feel like you’re being pulled in 1000 different directions? Do you feel the demands piling up?
· Working on those projects that need to be completed.
· Spending quality time with your spouse.
· Helping your kids with their homework, taking them to play dates, potty training them, and just keeping them alive.
· Staying in touch with, loving, and supporting friends.
This list could go on forever and just reading it is exhausting. The reality of starring in multiple roles (e.g., employee, mother, spouse, friend) is that truly engaging in each role places demands on our time and energy. The problem is that we only have so much time and energy to give and when we give too much, we put ourselves at risk of feeling depleted, depressed, and burned out. I say “we” because I feel this so much – too often.
In a survey of over 1000 American workers, Skye Learning’s 2019 second annual Work Confidence study, found that 74% (almost 3 out of 4!) reported experiencing job burnout. The number one reason they noted? A lack of time for their personal life.
I don’t know about you, but I do not want to be just another number to be included in these statistics. So, I’ve decided to do something about it. I have a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior, which can be translated as the psychology side of business and have been researching the work-family intersection for the past 7 years! On top of that, I’m a wife (and have been for 10 years) and have two young kids (6 and 2). Since having my first baby in the second year of my doctorate program, I have been refining my definition of work-life balance and intentionally pursuing what I like to call an elegant balance. This blog post is your invitation to join me on this journey towards learning to live intentionally and curating the work-life balance that you desire.
What is an Elegant Balance?
I have always enjoyed old films. I discovered Breakfast at Tiffany’s while I was still in high school and from then on, I was enamored by Audrey Hepburn. For me, she seemingly effortlessly embodies elegance. I can’t help but wonder, how would Audrey handle all the crazy demands that I constantly find myself facing? Would she give in to the overwhelm? Or would she sweep in and take care of things with ease?
You might be asking yourself, “What in the world does elegance have to do with work-life balance?” Well let’s start with the definition of elegance.
Elegance refers to the beauty of something unusually simple and effective.
Did you catch that? Simple. Effective.
If you were able to curate a life where you could meet the demands from your various roles with simplicity and effectiveness, how much differently would you feel? I can say that I would feel lighter. If things were simply and effectively taken care of, it would allow me to have space to pursue the things that really matter to me. Things that light me up and make life beautiful.
Now, some of you might be skeptical about ever being able to achieve work-life balance. You’ve tried to do it all, and instead of feeling “balanced” you just feel wiped out and exhausted. So, let me explain what I mean when I refer to work-life balance.
Balance can be defined as a condition in which different elements are in the correct proportions.
Based on this definition of balance, we don’t have to devote equal amounts of time to the various roles we hold. This is good news because it invites you to define the correct proportions for yourself. Yet, many of us haven’t taken the time to truly reflect on our ideal work-life balance, let alone take any steps toward creating it. Instead, we are stuck in a vicious cycle of reacting to demands, whether they be from work, our spouse, our kids, or our friends, and allowing these external forces to define our work-life balance. The problem with this is that you might not like their definition of work-life balance.
But how can I pursue an elegant balance?
This is a big question, which is why I like to think of pursuing an elegant balance as a journey. It is a journey that begins with true reflection of what we want our life to look like.
Do you want to be the woman who always feels frazzled? Who’s trying to do 1000 things at once? Who feels guilty because she can’t adequately do any of them fully?
No, probably not. But who do you want to be? What type of woman did you dream about being when you were a little girl? On your wedding day? When you first found out you were pregnant?
How does that version of yourself define her work-life balance? What proportion of her time and energy are dedicated to the different roles she stars in?
From there, we take baby steps toward becoming that woman.
· We raise our standards about what is allowed into our lives.
· We learn how to say no.
· We learn time management skills.
· We learn to be comfortable with imperfection.
· We learn to make time to care for ourselves, so that we can care for others.
So, who do you want to be?
Amazing things can happen when we start practicing intentionality. I’d love for you to join me on this pursuit of an elegant balance. What could you do this week to take a small step toward your elegant balance? Let me know in the comments below.
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