Dressing the Part
“What a strange power there is in clothing.”
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Did you play dress-up as a little girl? I sure did. I have vivid memories of my grandmothers’ closets being filled with beautiful gowns and sparkly jewelry that my sister, cousin, and I would pull out each time we visited. Looking back, they were simply my mom’s and aunts’ old dance costumes and prom dresses, but they were magical as a kid. You see, the most amazing thing happened when we would put on those dresses and jewelry – we were transformed from our everyday self into entirely different people. Sometimes we became princesses (Belle from Beauty and the Beast was my favorite). Sometimes we became Meg, Jo, and Amy from Little Women (I always played Jo, in case you were wondering). And other times, we simply became fancier versions of ourselves. I think the most interesting thing about dress-up is that the minute I would put on a beautiful ballgown, it impacted the way I felt about myself and the way I acted. Obviously, wearing a beautiful dress made me feel beautiful and more confident. But even more interestingly, it caused me to act differently. I would speak in a way that my 8-year-old self envisioned a woman who wore that outfit would speak. I would use better manners, because I was trying to be “fancy.” I would even carry myself differently; head held high, and shoulders pulled back.
And this phenomenon – that our clothes can impact the way we feel and behave – is exactly what I want to chat about today.
To be honest, I never really stopped dressing up. At 17 I forced my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, to have a high tea with me and my friends. I wore a tiara. This last November, I bought a ballgown to wear for my birthday party. And last week, I hosted a murder mystery party where we all had to dress up and play our parts.
But each of those examples of dressing up were for a special occasion. What I want you to see today is that instead of saving “dressing up” for a special occasion or event, we should harness the power of clothes to help us more forward towards becoming the women we want to be and living the life we want to live.
Join the FREE Closet
Cleanout Challenge!
In this FREE 5-Day Challenge, I’m going to teach you how to create a closet that you love to open each morning. Which means less time spent getting dressed, and more time spent living life.
Symbolism and clothing have long gone hand-in-hand. However, most of the time we consider what our clothing says about us to other people. And this can be really important. I mean, you’re probably not going to get the job offer if you show up to the interview in your yoga pants and messy bun. Your clothes can say a lot of about you. They are the first impression people receive before you even open your mouth to introduce yourself. In a recent study, neutral colors were found to help speakers give the impression of being authentic, an expert, and trustworthy. Patterns, neutrals, and bright colors equally gave the impression of innovative. Research has even shown that by examining someone’s shoes, it’s possible to guess quite a bit about that person (age, gender, income, and attachment anxiety).
However, the way we dress can also impact how we perceive ourselves. There have been some really fascinating studies done on this subject. One study found that when professional sports teams wore black, they played more aggressively. Another study found that wearing a swimsuit instead of a sweater made women feel ashamed, eat less, and perform worse at math. Crazy right? Clothing indeed has a strange power.
Adam and Galinsky coined the term “enclothed cognition” to describe this phenomenon. Enclothed cognition is the idea that wearing certain pieces of clothing cause people to embody that clothing and it’s symbolic meaning, impacting the way people behave. In their study, they conducted experiments to see whether wearing a lab coat, something that a scientist or doctor might wear and that is typically associated with attentiveness and carefulness, would increase individuals’ performance on attention-related tasks. Sure enough, those that wore the lab coat performed better than those who did not.
Join the FREE Closet Cleanout Challenge!
So the question becomes, how can we use this to our advantage? We are all striving to live intentionally. And this intentionality extends to our closets and the clothes we wear each and every day.
1. Think about the woman you want to be.
Take a few minutes and daydream about the woman you want to be. I talk about this a lot, but you can’t intentionally create a life you love if you have no idea about the direction you want to go. It’s so important! Ask yourself some questions like: How does she show up each day? What does she wear? Helpful hint: It’s probably not those yoga pants and a messy bun 24/7. What words do you think about when you describe her?
Maybe she exudes elegance by dressing in classic colors and pieces. Or maybe she is extraordinarily creative and wears beautiful, flowing skirts and bright colors. Whatever it is, take some time to get clear about it.
Decide who you want to be, figure out what she would wear, and then start wearing it now! There is no reason you need to wait until one day when you finally “become” her. Based on the concept of enclothed cognition, dressing the part today could actually move you forward toward becoming her.
2. Put on your armor each day.
Before you get dressed each morning, take some time to think about the tasks you need to accomplish that day and the type of person you will need to be in order to tackle those tasks. Then, dress for the occasion. I love the quote by Bill Cunningham: “Fashion is the armor to survive the reality of everyday life.” Just like a warrior puts on her armor for a battle, you can purposefully put on your armor (i.e., your outfit) for the day ahead.
Maybe you have a meeting with your supervisor or other executives and you need to feel (and look) powerful and knowledgeable. You could rock a tailored blazer, high heels, or a color that makes you feel amazing.
Or maybe you have a hot date with your significant other and you want to feel sensual and feminine. You could wear lace, feminine colors like pink or lilac, and a flowy skirt or dress.
You get the idea. Dress with intention!
3. Be okay with discomfort.
Realize that it will be uncomfortable at first. Especially if you are wearing pieces that embody the woman you want to be. In the beginning, the “inner-you” may not quite align with the “outer-you”, and that’s okay! If we think back to the concept of enclothed cognition, you will start to embody (i.e., act like and feel like) the type of woman who does wear those clothes. As one of my favorite life coaches, Tonya Leigh, would say… style is seriously such a powerful, yet underused, personal development tool.
I can think of so many examples in my life where I pushed myself style-wise and felt out-of-sync until one day, I just didn’t anymore. I went from feeling self-conscious about wearing leggings and a mini skirt in high school (a trend I probably saw in CosmoGirl! or some other fashion magazine at the time) to it just becoming a normal outfit in the rotation. Or the first time I bought and tried to wear a scarf during my study abroad in France. A scarf is one of the main staples in French fashion and I was bound and determined to copy that chic style. But the first few times I wore it, I felt ridiculous. Now? I wear them on a weekly basis either around my next, in my hair, or tied on my handbag. I remember the first time I ever wore business professional clothing during my interviews for the MBA program. It felt strange. I wasn’t a stuffy businessperson. I mean, I was a French major with an art minor. Now, those blazers and black pants are a part of my everyday uniform.
All that to say, you’re not alone if you feel awkward as you try and dress the part. But it will get better! You will start to get used to showing up as that woman and start to embody her characteristics along the way.
Want some help identifying your signature style and clearing out the clutter in your closet that doesn’t align with your future self?
Next week, on April 4th, I’m hosting a FREE 5-day Closet Cleanout Challenge. I promise it will be the most encouraging and fun spring cleaning that you have ever experienced and I’d love to have you join us! You can sign up at www.kayleehackney.com/closet. I’ll leave the link in the show notes.
During these five days, I’m going to teach you how to create a closet that you love to open each morning. Which means less time spent getting dressed, and more time spent living life! I hope that you will join us. You seriously don’t want to miss out!
Have a beautiful, joy-filled week friends.
Join the FREE Closet Cleanout Challenge!
Is a better work-life balance one of your goals this year?
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If you’re interested in creating a work-life balance characterized by simplicity, joy, and beauty, why don’t you start by checking out my Elegant Balance Workbook? In it, I help you define what work-life balance looks like for you and share some tips on creating that balance. I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it – Balance doesn’t happen by accident.
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We spend a great deal of time at work. Like Annie Dillard once said, “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.” I encourage you to look around your office and see what steps you can take to add simple luxuries to your workday because in the grand scheme of things, they will add up and lead to a luxurious life!