The Art of the Dinner Party
“Good food and good friends are two of life’s greatest blessings.”
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Thanksgiving is right around the corner and for many of us, that means we’re gearing up to host Thanksgiving dinner. Given that, I thought it’d be a perfect time to share my step-by-step approach to hosting incredible dinner parties. I hope that this is a helpful guide that you can come back to time and time again, whether it’s the holiday season or just a random gathering of friends.
Why Host a Dinner Party?
Dinner parties are one of my favorite forms of entertainment. Like the opening quote suggests, it doesn’t get much better than friends gathered around the table enjoying delicious food. Some of my best memories involve lingering at the table, sipping wine that was meticulously chosen to complement the dish, and swapping stories into the late hours of the night.
But aside from just being a great form of entertainment, there are other benefits to gathering together for a night of food and fellowship. First and foremost, hosting a dinner party is a beautiful cure to the “loneliness epidemic” that has been on the rise in recent years. Did you know that 36% of Americans have reported feeling lonely? These percentages are even higher for mothers with young children (51%). Maybe you, yourself, are even struggling with feeling lonely. Recently, the World Health Organization (WHO) recognized loneliness as a significant public health issue and the U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory noted that loneliness can have the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Regular social interactions, such as dinner parties, can help strengthen relationships and create a sense of belonging, which is crucial for mental well-being. Doing enjoyable activities, like slowing down and spending time with friends around the dinner table, can also reduce stress levels. Further, socializing with family and friends can boost your mood, increase feelings of happiness, and those thought-provoking conversations can help keep our minds sharp and improve cognitive functioning, especially as we age.
Not only that, but social support is a key resource when it comes to creating work-life balance. Support from our supervisors, coworkers, family, and friends can help alleviate work-family conflict, lead to better psychological well-being, lower stress levels, and improve overall work-life balance. Further, work-family research suggests that positive experiences in one domain (e.g. family) improve the quality of life in the other domain (e.g., work).
But in order to reap the benefits listed above, we have to intentionally make connections with others. We have to intentionally build our social networks. And if you ask me, I cannot think of a better way to do that than hosting a dinner party.
Excuses Women Give for Not Hosting
While these are all good reasons to start hosting dinner parties, my guess is that there are some thoughts coming up for you. Things like “My house is too messy”, “I don’t know who to invite”, “I have kids”, “I’m not a good cook”, “I don’t have enough money”, etc. And I wanted to encourage you in response to each of these excuses for why you can’t host a dinner party (because that’s what they are, excuses).
Start with the first one – “My house is too messy.” Your guests do not expect you to have a perfectly staged, spotless home. Think about the times you’ve been a guest at other people’s homes, did you expect it to be perfect? No, probably not. And the same goes for you. Tidy up the spaces that your guests will be spending the majority of their time in and forget the rest.
What about if you don’t know who to invite? Take a few minutes to think about who you would like to connect with. Is there a mom at the school drop-off that you think you could hit it off with? Invite her! What about a woman at church that you really admire and would like to get to know? Invite her! Maybe you haven’t had a chance to truly get to know your neighbors yet. Invite them! Think of the dinner party as a chance to start building the social network you desire.
Next, we have the excuse, “I have kids.” Although children can make it a bit more challenging to host, I think we are doing them a disservice if we don’t host dinner parties simply because of them. If I think back, some of my favorite times as a kid were when my parents would have dinner parties and invite other couples who had kids. We would get to eat delicious food, stay up late playing with friends, and everything felt fancy and festive. Your kids can enjoy a dinner party as much as you do. Especially if you get them involved in hosting it. Let them help with the grocery shopping, setting the table, and welcoming guests. They will likely love it and they’ll be learning how to be a gracious host and about the value of community and connection.
What if you can’t cook? There is no shame in outsourcing the cooking. You could order takeout or cater the meal. I’ve had dinner parties where I simply ordered a ton of tacos, chips, queso, and guacamole. We’ve also simply ordered pizza and had a store-bought salad as the first course and a store-bought dessert. Just because we’re calling it a dinner party doesn’t mean that the food needs to be fancy or homemade. Another option is to consider whether you have any friends who are great cooks. Ask them if they’d be willing to host with you. They could focus primarily on the menu, and you could focus primarily on the hosting.
Finally, let’s tackle the excuse, “I don’t have enough money.” If money is tight, you may need to get creative with your dinner party. Use plates, napkins, and silverware that you already have. Grab some candles or flowers that you’re already using somewhere in your home and repurpose them as a centerpiece for your table. Choose a recipe that uses affordable ingredients (e.g., spaghetti or chili). Better yet, get your guests involved in providing the food by hosting a potluck style dinner party where each guest brings a dish. This helps share the burden of the cost of food. You could go for a true random potluck, choose a theme for your potluck, or grab a cookbook and assign each guest a specific recipe from it (this works well if you’re going for a multi-course dinner party, as cookbooks generally contain recipes that could complement one another).
Steps to Hosting an Incredible Dinner Party
Okay, hopefully by now you’re convinced that hosting dinner parties are not only important but also that you can do it. Let’s jump into the step-by-step for hosting an incredible dinner party.
Step 1: Pick a Date
This step is simple enough – start by choosing a date for your dinner party. If you’re married, talk with your spouse about a day that might work well for the entire family. I have found that planning about 2 weeks in advance is ideal. If it’s too far out, your guests may not commit (or worse, will commit and then back out because something came up). If it’s too soon, your guests may already have plans made. You also want to consider how much time you need to prepare for the party. I have found that Saturday evenings typically work best for us because that means I have all day Saturday to tidy up, cook, and get ready for the party.
Step 2: Create the Invitation List
Next, you want to create the invitation list. It’s important to note that more is not always better. I have found that a good rule of thumb is 6-8 people or simply the number of people that will fit comfortably around your dinner table. You also want to consider the combination of guests and the type of atmosphere it will create. Do you want an easy-going, comfortable atmosphere? Then you may want to invite guests that already know each other. Is the goal to create new connections? Then you may want to invite guests that would likely be interested in similar things but don’t know each other just yet. One thing I try to avoid is having just one person be new to the group as I want to avoid anyone feeling left out or like an outsider.
Step 3: Send out the Invitations
Now it’s time to let your guests know about the party. Depending on the formality of the party, you can send your invites via text, email, or a hand-delivered card. It’s entirely up to you! Be sure to include the date, time, and location in your invitation. If it’s a formal dinner party and your guests should adhere to a dress code, be sure to include that too. Finally, use this time to ask your guests whether they have any food allergies or sensitivities that need to be considered as you plan your menu.
Step 4: Plan Your Menu
This is the fun part – planning your menu. Start by defining the type of dinner party you’re hosting (e.g., multi-course meal, family-style meal, single dish, etc.), then fill in the necessary components. Be sure to consider any allergies or sensitivities that your guests mentioned. If you are doing a potluck-style party or if a guest has offered to bring something, be sure to communicate with them after you’ve planned the menu. My number one piece of advice for this step is to stick to what you know. Choose a dish that you’ve prepared before, one that your family loves. A dinner party with strangers is not the time to experiment with new recipes – that will just cause unnecessary stress. Also, keep the preparation manageable by focusing your time and energy on the main star of the show and fill in the rest with super-simple or even store-bought dishes. Your guests will be so impressed by your piece-de-resistance that they won’t even notice (or care).
Step 5 (2-3 Days Before Your Dinner Party): Go Grocery Shopping
A few days before your party, you’ll need to go grocery shopping to get all the necessary ingredients for your menu. I like to do this a few days in advance in case a store doesn’t have something that I need, and I have to chase it down. You can make this easy on yourself by ordering for curbside pickup or delivery. If you prefer to do your shopping in-person, I highly recommend taking an organized list with you; one that clearly guides you through each section of the store (e.g., produce, dairy, meat, dry goods, frozen, etc.). If you’d like to make it even easier, grab my meal-planning template bundle and use the grocery list template!
Step 6 (Day Before Your Dinner Party): Make Dishes that Require Advance Preparation
Depending on the menu you selected, you may have a few dishes that need to be prepared in advance. Be sure to block off sometime the day before your party to do so! If you don’t have anything that must be prepared in advance, you could still use this time to prepare anything that can be prepared in advance. Anything you get done at this point will take things off your plate, which makes the day of the party feel a bit less stressful.
Step 7 (Day of Your Dinner Party): Straighten Up the House
It’s here! The day of your dinner party has finally arrived. There are several items to tackle on this day, but I like to start by tidying up the house. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but focus your attention on the areas that your guests are actually going to spend time in. These typically include the entryway, living room, dining room, and guest bath. And remember, perfection is not the goal. We’re simply trying to create a welcoming space for our guests.
Step 8 (Day of Your Dinner Party): Set the Table
Next up is setting the table. This will look differently for each party you host and depends a great deal on the formality of the party. If you’re hosting a pizza or taco night, you might not need to set the table at all but instead set up the buffet line with plates, napkins, drinks, etc. If you’re hosting a formal, 5-course dinner party, you’ll want to pull out the chargers, fine China, cloth napkins, wine glasses, etc. I like to do this earlier in the day so that I’m not rushing around doing it when the party is almost getting ready to start. Also, my kids love to help with this step so if you have children, you might consider getting them involved. It’s never too early to teach them how to be good hosts.
Step 9 (Day of Your Dinner Party): Prepare the Remaining Dishes
As the time for the party draws nearer, you’ll need to prepare the remaining dishes on your menu. Pay attention to the cooking time for each dish and plan accordingly. Also, keep in mind that just because your guests arrive at certain time doesn’t mean that they will immediately sit down to eat.
Step 10 (Day of Your Dinner Party): Clean-Up the Kitchen
Do a quick clean-up of the kitchen and prepare it for your guests. By emptying the trash can, sink, and dishwasher now, you’ll be able to use it during the party.
Step 11 (Day of Your Dinner Party): Get Yourself Ready
If I’ve learned anything over the years of hosting dinner parties, its that I need to reserve more time for myself to get ready. Too often I’ve found myself rushing to put on lipstick and run a comb through my hair as the guests knock on my front door. Don’t be like me. Instead, plan this time into the day’s schedule. It also helps if you’ve previously considered the details regarding what you want to wear and how you want to do your hair and makeup.
Step 12 (Evening of Your Dinner Party): Welcome Guests
Remember, a key goal of this dinner party is to connect with your guests and this connection starts the moment they arrive. Welcome them into your home. Offer to take coats, bags, or dishes and put them in the correct place. Offer them a drink and an appetizer (if you’re serving one). Remember, it’s not about the food and drinks as much as it is about making your guests feel welcome and seen.
Step 13 (Evening of Your Dinner Party): Serve Dinner
Once everyone has arrived and had a chance to settle in, you can direct your guests to the dining room and begin serving the meal. This can look a number of different ways. You can serve your guests one by one or your guests can serve themselves. It really depends on your set-up, the menu, and the formality of the dinner party.
Step 14 (Evening of Your Dinner Party): Enjoy Yourself
And last, but certainly not least, please remember to enjoy yourself! Release yourself from the pressure to be perfect. Nobody is. And no dinner party will be for that matter.
Remember the benefits I listed earlier about spending time connecting with others? It’s so good for you! The true magic of a dinner party happens in the conversations, stories, and laughter that take place around the table. If you’re nervous about running out of talking points, you might try some conversation cards. I recently used the game “Tell Me More” as a way to spark conversations at an event I hosted, and I really loved the way the questions were designed to deepen connections and allow people to get to know each other better. You could simply sit the box on cards on your table or even pre-select a card for each table setting and have guests go around and ask their questions.
And that’s it! Now you’re armed with a step-by-step plan to host an incredible dinner party.
Thanksgiving is right around the corner and for many of us, that means we’re gearing up to host Thanksgiving dinner. Given that, I thought it’d be a perfect time to share my step-by-step approach to hosting incredible dinner parties. I hope that this is a helpful guide that you can come back to time and time again, whether it’s the holiday season or just a random gathering of friends.