An Intentional Holiday
“Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.”
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Around the holidays we are bombarded with demands on our schedules – your own holiday work parties, invitations from friends and family, and then your kids’ Christmas class parties and concerts. All of this on top of shopping for gifts, planning menus, cleaning your home, attending church, and trying to squeeze in as many family traditions as possible. A time that should be filled with joy quickly becomes overwhelming.
Much of the work-life balance research focuses on the concept of demands and resources. Resources being time, energy, money, etc. When we don’t have enough resources to meet all the demands coming our way, that’s when we can feel out-of-balance and burnt out. The holiday season, if not approached intentionally, can be a season where the increase in demands overtakes our resources. In this post, I want to discuss some simple ways that my family and I thoughtfully approach the holiday season. So, if you're tired of feeling overwhelmed and craving some peace and joy this holiday season, you’re in the right place!
1. All I want for Christmas is…
If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m a huge fan of intentionality (it’s one of my favorite words). Instead of living in reaction to the onslaught of holiday invitations and demands, I encourage you to sit down and dream about your “perfect” holiday season. What does it include? Make a list and don’t hold yourself back, this is a dream, remember? You can even make this a fun holiday tradition for your family.
As you dream about your holiday season, I encourage you to really take a step back and ask yourself whether you truly need or want to be doing “all the things” or if you’re just doing it because you think you should. Release yourself from the pressure to send Christmas cards out to everyone you know. Release yourself from the pressure to buy a gift for every single person. Feel free to “cut corners” by purchasing premade cookie dough or pie crust for those holiday dishes.
If you’re like me, you’ll likely notice that many of the things on your list of a “perfect” holiday are actually within reach. Things like spending time together, drinking hot cocoa, sitting by the fire, watching “The Santa Clause” for the 100th time, etc. Get your spouse and kids involved in this. My guess is that you’ll be surprised by how much the “little” things matter and how little the “big” things matter. From there, use your list to guide you in what you focus your resources on throughout the holiday season.
2. Planning makes perfect
Once you’ve established your definition of a “perfect” holiday season, start planning for it! Is there a specific event that you don’t want to miss? Put it on your calendar now so that you can plan around it. For example, my daughter and I love to attend the Nutcracker Ballet each Christmas. However, it is only in town for one weekend in December. If I don’t put it on the calendar first, I run the risk of double-booking myself or missing the show altogether which would be extremely disappointing to both of us.
After you have all the events with set dates on your calendar, you can start to fill in the gaps with the smaller, more flexible activities and traditions. However, these need to be scheduled too. If we don’t intentionally set aside an afternoon to bake Christmas cookies, we run the risk of not getting around to it in time.
Finally, I know the holiday season is one that many of us try to connect with friends and family. The mental load and sheer number of texts required to pull off big holiday get-togethers can be exhausting. On a very practical note, I like to share a google calendar with my husband, mom, and mother-in-law so that we can collectively plan and coordinate dates for family gatherings much better. If you choose to do this, be sure that you have already put your non-negotiable activities on your calendar though!
3. Gifts are fun, let’s keep it that way
In addition to adding demands on our time and energy, the holiday season can also put a strain on our financial resources. I know we all have different approaches to gift-giving, but I wanted to share mine in case it could inspire some of you to scale back or simplify your own approach. It’s so easy to get caught up in the gift buying craze, feel paralyzed by the pressure of finding the “perfect” gift, or burdened by societal expectations to spend gobs of money. I’m here to tell you that you can intentionally choose a different approach!
Start by deciding who you will be purchasing gifts for this year. Here’s a helpful hint: You don’t have to purchase a gift for everyone. In fact, we have intentionally limited our Christmas gift-giving to our immediate family (husband, kids, and myself) and grandparents (my mom and dad and in-laws). This has significantly simplified my holiday shopping, as I’m only buying gifts for seven people! If you’re worried about what others in your family might say, take some time to talk to them. Let them know that you are simplifying your approach to the holiday season and that you won’t be buying gifts for them this year. Be sure to tell them that you do not expect them to buy gifts for you or your kids either. My siblings and I have had this understanding for a long time now and I think we are all grateful for the burden it has taken off of each of us (and our wallets).
Once you have your list of people figured out, you can set a budget for each person. The way we do this is to list out the individuals that we plan to purchase gifts for, set a specific amount for each person, and then put the cash and the list in an envelope. This helps keep us from overspending.
One final suggestion for simplifying the gift shopping and giving experience is to consider categories of gifts for your kids. In our family, we tend to aim for something to play with, something to read, something to wear, and then a stocking with treats and trinkets. Having categories helps cut down on the number of decisions I need to make while shopping (saving time and energy) and helps me stick to my budget because I’m not buying things on a whim (saving money).
4. Proactively manage the holiday stress
In addition to planning out a holiday that you love, I encourage you to schedule in some self-care time. I know it’s easier said than done, but so important! And if you plan ahead for it, you can engage in that self-care without all the guilt because you know you actually have the time for it. Self-care is so much more than a spa day or bubble bath (although I love both of those). It might involve taking time to express gratitude, caring for your physical health by eating well and exercising, or even just making sure that you’re getting enough sleep. Try to stay in-tune with what your body needs so that you have the energy and mindset (both resources) that you’ll need to enjoy the holiday season!
In the flurry of the holiday season, it's easy to get swept away by the onslaught of invitations, events, and societal expectations. But by intentionally approaching this joyous time, we can create a more meaningful and enjoyable experience. Let’s approach the most wonderful time of the year with intentional hearts, eager to create something truly extraordinary.
We spend a great deal of time at work. Like Annie Dillard once said, “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.” I encourage you to look around your office and see what steps you can take to add simple luxuries to your workday because in the grand scheme of things, they will add up and lead to a luxurious life!