How to add Romance to Your Life
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”
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Once upon a time, there was a beautiful woman (you) who loved her family and friends so much that she took exquisite care of herself…
Upon hearing that, you might be thinking, “Hold up, Kaylee. This doesn’t describe me at all!”
And I get it. I truly do because I’ve been there before.
I think I’ve always been a romantic at heart. I mean, I have memories of taking candlelit bubble baths while listening to classical music as a 5th grader.
But something happened when I became a mom.
All of a sudden, I had a little person completely dependent upon me and I responded by pouring everything I had into him.
Us moms are so good at that aren’t we?
And it continued like that until one day I realized that I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.
What were my interests? What were my passions?
The only answer I could fully commit to was that they were NOT goldfish crackers or Daniel Tiger – those were my son’s.
So, who was I?
This was the beginning of a beautiful romance; a romance with myself. Taking the time to get to know myself again.
So, what is the difference between self-care and self-romance?
Self-Care
Self-care is the baseline. Each and every one of us encounters stressors in our daily lives. Stressors are those things that, you guessed it, cause stress. Deadlines at work, a demanding boss, long work hours, planning, prepping, and feeding our families, childcare arrangements (or lack thereof), the daily demands of our children – meeting their basic needs and managing all of their extracurricular activities. These daily stressors take a toll on us. I’ve talked about resources before, but they’re so helpful in understanding the importance of self-care. You see, these stressors or demands require that we use our valuable resources such as time or energy. And it’s okay to use your resources. What’s not okay is using your resources without restoring them.
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And that’s exactly what self-care allows you to do. In fact, self-care is defined as deliberately taking care of your well-being through restorative activities. I dig into self-care in this post, so I won’t repeat everything here, but self-care – true self-care, can be broken down into six categories:
1. Physical
2. Professional
3. Relational
4. Psychological
5. Emotional
6. Spiritual
Taking time to address each of these areas will help you to restore those vital resources and avoid those negative outcomes associated with resource depletion such as stress, anxiety, and burnout.
Like I said, self-care is the baseline. You absolutely need to practice self-care to be able to care well for your family and to perform well at work.
Self-Romance
Self-romance can be thought of as going above and beyond self-care. It’s taking some of the most mundane forms of self-care and elevating it. And this is exactly what we’ll be focused on in my upcoming self-romance challenge. You can join us by registering here!
You may be thinking, “That sounds great and all, but I barely have time to practice self-care, how in the world do you expect me to make it romantic?”
Well, the fascinating thing about self-romance is that a lot of times it doesn’t take much to take a normal self-care activity and make it more beautiful (i.e., romantic). For example, one way we practice self-care is by eating healthy food. You can make this a more romantic experience by 1) treating yourself to your favorite healthy dish, 2) lighting some candles and playing some soft dinner music, or 3) eating on the fine china.
See how simple that is? Let’s try another one.
We all have to take baths or showers, a fundamental physical self-care act. Yet, you can romanticize it by 1) candles and music (sensing a theme here?), 2) adding bubbles, a bath bomb, or a luxurious bodywash, 3) use your best towels (you know, the nice fluffy ones that you typically reserve for guests), and 4) lay out your robe and slippers to put on afterwards (just like you would see at a spa).
As you can see, self-romance really is a pretty simple practice. And yet, many of us don’t do it. But when you think about it, it doesn’t take much to elevate the activities that you already do in your day-to-day life. It doesn’t take much to add a little bit of excitement, a little bit of adventure, of beauty, of romance to your day. I think by doing that you’re going to enhance your experiences in your life. You’re going to enhance the amount of joy that you get from even the most simple things.
I hope you will join us for my Self-Romance Challenge. It starts on February 14th and you can sign-up by following this link. The challenge will be conducted via email. Each day you will receive an email from me with some romantic inspiration and some practical ways that you can romance yourself. At the end of the week, one lucky winner will receive a Cultivate What Matters Write-the-Word journal to help you start each day focused on the true source of love.
I can’t wait to spend the week of Valentine’s Day with you! Sign up here.
Is a better work-life balance one of your goals this year?
I’ve created a workbook just for you!
If you’re interested in creating a work-life balance characterized by simplicity, joy, and beauty, why don’t you start by checking out my Elegant Balance Workbook? In it, I help you define what work-life balance looks like for you and share some tips on creating that balance. I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it – Balance doesn’t happen by accident.
What are you waiting for?
Let’s pursue our Elegant Balance together!
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We spend a great deal of time at work. Like Annie Dillard once said, “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.” I encourage you to look around your office and see what steps you can take to add simple luxuries to your workday because in the grand scheme of things, they will add up and lead to a luxurious life!